DISCLAIMER: Kay, here we go! I don’t own Biker Mice From Mars and make no profit from this story. WARNING: This story will be very stupid but funny, (In a stupid kind of way) as I will be making fun of the Jerry Springer Show, The Biker Mice and my Character. You may think it’s in bad taste and you are right. You may find this story sick and demented, but hey…it’s my brain. What else would you expect? YOU WERE WARNED!

"Hey Ma, I’m On The Jerry Springer Show!!!"

(Like that’s something to be proud of…)

by Chassie van Wham

(The show begins with the intro music, camera goes over the crowd and stops at the host who is holding a microphone, namely Jerry Srpinger.)

JERRY: "Welcome, today my guests are keeping a secret from their loved ones and they feel it’s time to confess.

(Turns to the stage where Chassie is sitting nervously by herself.)

JERRY: "Our first guess is a Martian mouse from Mars. Welcome to the show Chassie."

CHASSIE: "Thank-you Jerry."

JERRY: "So Chassie do you watch the show?"

CHASSIE: "No Jerry I don’t."

(Crowd aws.)

JERRY: "Can I ask why?"

CHASSIE: "Because I think it’s sick, twisted and degrading."

JERRY: "So, it took a lot for your husband to get you on?"

(Chassie is smiling now)

CHASSIE: "Yes it did."

JERRY: "Are you happily married?"

CHASSIE: "Very much."

JERRY: "Any children?"

CHASSIE: "We have a wonderful boy and a darling little girl."

JERRY: "Do you have any idea what your husband wants to say to you?"

CHASSIE: "It has to be something terrible to bring me here. Nothing good comes out of this show."

(The crowd boos as Jerry tries to calm them, turns back to Chassie…"

JERRY: "Well we won’t let you wait any longer. Here’s Chassie’s husband, Throttle…!"

(The crow goes nuts as Throttle steps on stage and sits beside Chassie, he takes her hand into his…)

JERRY: "Welcome to the show, Throttle."

THROTTLE: "I’m glad to be here, Jerry."

JERRY: "How long have you two been married?"

(Throttle smiles at Chassie, she returns the posture…)

THROTTLE: "We’ve been married for about thirteen months now."

JERRY: "That’s a Short time. Any problems?"

THROTTLE: "Not really, well…there was once at one point in time…"

JERRY: "Well, tell what you wanted to tell her."

(Throttle turns to Chassie, who is now a little apprehensive…"

THROTTLE: "You know I love you…and there’s no one else I rather be with…"

CHASSIE: "You can tell me anything sweetheart…"

THROTTLE: "I’ve been having an affair with Charley."

CHASSIE: "…but that!"

(Chassie rips her hand away from him and stares with wide eyes…)

CHASSIE: "How long has it been going on?"

THROTTLE: "A Year."

(Chassie bolts up from her seat)

CHASSIE: "WHAT!?!?!?!"

JERRY: "Here’s Charley!"

(Charley walks out, Throttle stands up and gives her a long kiss, Chassie eyes flare up a little…)

CHASSIE: "How could you?!? You’re supposed to marry my brother in two months!"

CHARLEY: "Throttle needed a real woman, you were too busy trying to save the world!"

THROTTLE: "I needed someone to be with me…you always pushed me away! You never made me feel like you needed me!"

(Chassie tries to take a time out, looks back at the two…)

CHASSIE: "I trusted both of you! How could you do this to me!! How could you do this to Vince!"

JERRY: "Here’s Vinnie!"

(Vinnie walks out, furious as he confronts Throttle…)

VINNIE: "How can you do this to me and my sister you asshole!"

(Vinnie and Throttle start throwing punches as big bald Steve tries to stand in the middle The crowd goes wild and after a few moments, the panel is sitting back down in their chairs. Throttle and Chassie in the middle with Charley on one side and Vinnie on the other side…)

THROTTLE: "Me? You told me that Charley was a lousy lay!"

CHARLEY: "I was a lousy lay? Look with what I had to work with!"

VINNIE: "Yeah you are! I have some news for you bitch!"

THROTTLE: "Don’t tell her man…"

VINNIE: "I’ve been getting it somewhere else!"

CHARLEY: "You basterd! What girl would put up with your egotistical shovanistic ways?"

VINNIE: "It’s not a woman…"

CHASSIE: "I don’t want to hear this…"

(Chassie hides her face with her hands, Throttle tries to grab Vinnie, but the white mouse shrugs him off…)

VINNIE: "I’ve been banging Throttle! He’s a better lay than you could ever be!"

(Chassie and Charley turn to Vinnie in shock, Throttle turns away from them, Charley stands up and runs to Vinnie, Vinnie also stands up to comfort her…)

CHARLEY: "You can’t be serious!"

CHASSIE: "You? You were fucking my husband?"

VINNIE: "That’s right sweetheart! He’s a better lover than you anytime!"

(Chassie runs up and pushed Charley out of the way and faces her brother…)

CHASSIE: "How can you do this to me? Your own flesh and blood? How can you betray me like this!"

VINNIE: "It just happened!"

CHASSIE: "It just happened?!? What? Throttle bent over after taking a shower and you just happen to fall on him?"

VINNIE: "YOU WERE GONE ALL THE TIME! Either you were at the hospital all day or running around the city at night! You never stayed home with your kid!"

(Throttle jumps into the middle…)

THROTTLE: "Don’t you dare bring my boy up!"

VINNIE: "Why not? You left him at my house every time you when to Carbine’s house for an easy lay!"

(Chassie turns to Throttle…)

CHASSIE: "You’re fucking Carbine too?"

JERRY: "This keeps on getting better! Here’s Carbine!"

(Carbine walks out, Chassie lunges at her trying to pull her face off with her own bare hands, big bald Steve jumps in to the middle of the cat fight, the crow goes wild…)

CROWD: "STEVE! STEVE! STEVE! STEVE! STEVE! STEVE!…"

CHASSIE: "YOU SLUT! You couldn’t handle it that I won! You had to take a married man!!

CARBINE: "Yeah? You’re the stupid one for trusting him! He’s been fucking everybody! Even Modo!"

JERRY: "Welcome Modo to the stage."

(Modo enters and gives Carbine a kiss, Throttle tries to talk to her but she pushes him away, Vinnie runs up to Modo…"

VINNIE: You were fucking Carbine?"

MODO: "So? So were ya, an’ Throttle, An’ Charley…"

(Chassie, Vinnie and Throttle turn to Carbine in shock…)

CHASSIE: "Who haven’t you fuck?"

CARBINE: "Get over it girlfriend, you’re just jealous that I’m all that!"

(Chassie looses all thought and attacks Carbine, Vinnie tries to hold her sister back as big bald Steve holds Carbine back. After a few minutes, they all return to their seats…)

JERRY: (Turning to Throttle…) "Throttle, you’ve been sleeping with a lot of people. How do you think this is affecting Chassie?"

(Throttle looks at Chassie, she returns an angry stare back at him…)

THROTTLE: "I guess she hurting right now…"

VINNIE: "Hurting? That’s all you have to say?"

CHARLEY: "Why are you pissed of at him? You were fucking your sister’s own husband! You’re just as responsible as he is!"

VINNIE: "At lest I wasn’t fucking the whole army!"

MODO: "Ya sure tried yerself there, Vinnie!"

VINNIE: "Why don’t you shut up?"

(Modo and Vinnie get up from their seats…)

MODO: "Why don’t ya make me? Ya little punk!"

(As usual, Big Bald Steve gets between the two mice and deters them from getting any powerful blows into each other. After another few minute and much arguing, they return to their seats…)

JERRY: "Umm…Vinnie, how do you feel about...sleeping with your sister’s husband? That’s a pretty low thing to do to her…she’s your sister."

VINNIE: "It was a lot better than what she does each night."

JERRY: "Care to explain?"

VINNIE: "She runs around all night killing people! You call that decent?"

CHASSIE: "You know why I do that!"

JERRY: "Why do you do it?"

CHASSIE: "It’s too complicated for your simple mind."

CARBINE: "Ohh…Chassie has a back bone!"

CHASSIE: "Go to hell bitch!"

CARBINE: "Are you going to send me there?"

CHASSIE: (Smiling with an evil grin…) "I could…"

MODO: "Don’t put things in her head!"

CHARLEY: "She’s crazy enough as it is!"

VINNIE: "That’s all we need, Malice showing up!"

JERRY: "Who is Malice? Is she another…member to this party?"

THROTTLE: "She’s Chassie’s crazy alternate personality…"

JERRY: "Duel personality? This is interesting…can we bring her out?"

CHASSIE: "This isn’t a good time…"

VINNIE: "Not unless you want your head off your shoulders…"

CHASSIE: "I’m not that bad!"

JERRY: "Well, your ‘friends’ say you go out killing people. I think that pretty bad! Why do you do it?"

CHASSIE: "…I…I…don’t…"

THROTTLE: "You can’t even explain it, can you?"

CHASSIE: "Don’t get me more pissed than I am now…"

CARBINE: "We always clean your messes! Every time you kill, us army people have to clean up the bodies!"

CHASSIE: "Fuck you Carbine! You’re…"

CHARLEY: "Get off your high horse! We’re fucken tired of hearing how you’re the chosen one! We don’t care anymore!"

THROTTLE: "Get off her case! I don’t see you sticking your neck out for anyone, Charley. You just stay in your stupid old garage and pretend that you’ve got customers lined up! Face it babe, you’re the worst mechanic I’ve ever seen!"

CHARLEY: "That’s not what you said in bed…"

(Chassie gets up and runs off stage with tears in her eyes as Throttle and Charley throw more insults at each other. Vinnie and Jerry {with camera in tow of course!} following her…Vinnie tries to consult her…)

VINNIE: "Chass…I know this is hard on…"

CHASSIE: "Fuck you! You! How can…how can you do this? How can any of you do this? To me? Why?"

VINNIE: "I’m sorry…I never meant to hurt you."

CHASSIE: "Oh so you thought that fucking Throttle wouldn’t hurt me?"

VINNIE: "It’s not what you think…"

CHASSIE: "Really? My brother and husband are having sex and it’s not what I think? Get the fuck out of my face! I have no brother!"

(Vinnie shakes his head as he returns to his seat on stage, as Chassie cries uncontrollably, Jerry moves in for the kill…)

JERRY: "Are you all right?"

CHASSIE: (SNIFF) "Do I look all right?"

JERRY: "This is a difficult time for you, but you have to let these people know what you’re feeling. You can’t go on with your life until you face then…"

CHASSIE: "Fuck off! This show has ruined my life!"

JERRY: "Those people up on stage did that. You have to go back there and take back your life."

(Chassie nods and then the two re-enter the stage, Chassie takes her seat as Jerry turns to the crown, numerous guests raise their hands in question. Jerry moves his microphone to a young woman…)

GUEST: "I have a question for the white mouse…did it ever occur to you that sleeping with your sister’s husband might hurt her?"

VINNIE: "Not at the moment…"

JERRY: "You never thought about Chassie when you were…"

CHARLEY: "He always thinks with the wrong head."

VINNIE: "Why don’t you just shut up? No one wants to hear anything you have to say…"

CARBINE: "And you have something to say?"

THROTTLE: "Will you three give it a rest?"

(Jerry moves to another guest…)

GUEST: "When did all of you do these…things?"

THROTTLE: "When Chassie was at work or out during the night…"

JERRY: (Turning to Chassie) "Is that when you went out and killed people?"

(Chassie stares blankly at him, then Jerry moves to another audience member…)

GUEST: "This is for the tan mouse…do you think your wife will ever forgive you for this?"

(Throttle looks over at Chassie…her face has no emotions on it…)

THROTTLE: "That’s what I’m hoping…"

MODO: "After what ya did to her? Not fucken likely!"

VINNIE: "Will you shut up?"

THROTTLE: (Still looking at Chassie…) "I know what I did was wrong, but we have a beautiful son and a wonderful daughter together and I would like this to work. They never meant anything to me…I just wanted to get back at you for leaving alone every change you got. But you’re the one I want…I married you…we can still make this work. If you will just forgive me and let’s move on."

JERRY: "Well Chassie? He’s pouring his heart to you…what are you going to say about this?"

(Chassie crosses her legs and then stands up…"

CHASSIE: "What I’m going to say? How about…"

(A black flash of light appears, standing now on stage is Malice the Executioner…"

MALICE: "…IT’S HACK AND SLASH TIME!!!"

(Malice pulls out her sword and slices Charley’s head off with one stroke. She turns to Throttle, grabbing him by his balls, rips then off of him, Throttle screams in pain…)

MALICE: "You won’t be needing them ever again!"

(Malice grabs Vinnie by the neck…Jerry moves to his final thought chair and begins as Malice rips Modo’s heart out of his chest with her bare hands…"

JERRY: "I’d like to take this moment now and speak my final thought: When we marry, it’s usually for better or for worse, but sometimes it’s for the worse. When a loved one betrays those most sacred of oaths, it’s hard to try to forgive…"

(Malice jumps on Carbine and breaks her neck, then flinging her lifeless body into the crowd…"

JERRY: "…With the trust broken, the love they once shared is shattered, perhaps beyond repair. One can only hope that the love is strong enough to withstand the devastation that is caused when one member is unfaithful…"

(Malice grabs Vinnie, slamming his head a few times on the stage, then passing her hand through his chest…"

JERRY: We all know that a lie can destroy the most loving couple, perhaps even beyond repair. Is it really worth it and the end? Does the end justifies the means? It is a question only a few truly know. I’m Jerry Springer…take care of your self…and each other."

(The intro music plays but there is no crowd to cheer. As Jerry looks on, he sees only a mass of dead bodies all over the stands. He turns to the stage, all the mice have been ripped apart, only a moan is heard from the tan one. Jerry tries to leave but bumps into Malice as he turns, she is covered in blood….)

MALICE: "And where the fuck do you think you’re going?"

JERRY: (GULP!) "Um…my dressing room? The show’s over…"

MALICE: "Not yet…"

(Malice runs her sword into Jerry chest, blood spurt out of his mouth as he looks into the insane mouse’s eyes. There is pure joy as Malice twist the blade, Jerry squirms and fall dead. She pushes him off her sword with her foot and turns to the camera while licking her blood stained fingers…)

MALICE: "Now for my final thought: If your lover is an asshole and would fuck your brother and anything else that was under the sun, don’t let him have the last fucken laugh…KILL THE FUCKER! And if anyone gets in your way…RIP THEIR FUCKEN HEADS OFF! No one on this fucken planet has a fucken right to treat anyone like fucken dirt! And if someone’s doing it to you…TEAR HIS FUCKEN BALLS OFF AND FEED THEM TO THE FUCKEN DOGS! This is Malice the Executioner saying, don’t get mad, get even!"

(Show ends, Malice walks away, stepping on Throttle as she leaps of stage…)

The end

 

The guys are going to fucken loose it if they read this.

We won’t show them.

Are you fucken nuts? As much as I like to see a good fucken fight, the guys are going to hang you! Not to mention some of the member to the UBMFMFC will enjoy tearing your flesh off while you’re still alive.

It’s just a story. And besides…who’s going to tell them?

Good point…Carbine?

Naw…she’s too terrified of you to do anything. And if the guys do read it, I’ll blame you. Yeah, I got big enough shoulders, let the fucken assassin take all the fucken shit! Now you’re getting it!