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This is a work of fiction that I am in no way making any money off of. It is not intended to infringe on anyone else’s copyright. It is however something that I wrote and I would ask that you please ask me first before using the reality or original characters I’ve created.
Biker Mice from Mars FanFiction
Chapter Five
Things Change: Only A Name
By Kat
1/24/00
She knew this day was coming. She had prepared for nearly five years for this day. And yet it seemed to sneak up on her and take her buy surprise. Since the day Charlene Davidson had been forced into her life, Kaals’ life had never been the same. Why hadn’t she studied law as her mother had wished, or even agriculture like her father? No… she had to be original, she had to be different. She had to be a cybernetic artificial intelligence expert.
Kaals tugged on the sleeves of her purple and gold trimmed robe. She tried to chant the calming rhythms of her childhood in her mind, but the patterns escaped her. She hadn’t been able to meditate for the past three weeks, and Kaals’ inability to return her mind to a calmer, more focused place was taking its toll on her. She had actually yelled at Vincent the other day.
The poor boy was only worried about his friend. He didn’t mean to drive her to distraction with his constant questions and endless ponderings. But after the hundredth time of hearing the words…’But why…?’ anyone would crack. Kaals deeply regretted what she had said to the Martian male, but what was done was done and she couldn’t take it back.
"It’s too soon," the blonde furred doctor said as he raced after the fast moving Tulsan.
"That may be, but we are out of time. Charlene is expected back to trial," Kaals said as she made her way through the sterile hospital halls. Kaals knew that the doctor was right. She knew that Charlene needed more time to heal mentally, but the council was waiting.
"Miss Davidson is in no condition to undergo trial. She is emotionally drained and battered. She has been making steady progress, but this may cause a back slide."
"I understand this Dr. Feals and my government is sympathetic. They have assured me that they will be as accommodating as possible, but her presence is required. If she doesn’t attend the trial she will be automatically found guilty. I need not remind you what the penalty is."
Dr. Feals paused for a moment to digest what Kaals had said. Kaals continued on, not waiting for Charlene’s therapist to catch up. It had only been three weeks since they had found Charlene huddled in the corner of the burning Torren Monument. They were never quite sure how long she had been there. When Charlene destroyed her and Lucifer’s homing devices Kaals had had no way to track her. Luckily the fire in the control panel had set off alarms, or they wouldn’t have found Charlene for quite a while.
Vinnie, Throttle, Modo and Stoker had searched the city for hours when a tip from the spaceport had told them that Charlene had been there causing a ruckus. Once they arrived, however, she had been no where to be found. Carbine had been the one to make the call. She let them know that Charlene had been found in the Monument.
It had been a sad sight indeed and Kaals remembered it clearly. Charlene had clung to Carbine like a small child frightened by a storm. She would not let anyone else comfort her. If anyone else touched her she became violent and unstable. Kaals had tried to establish a link with Charlene’s central processor to determine what had happened, but it wasn’t functional. Between the two of them, Kaals and Carbine had just managed to get the hysterical human to a ground transport when her worried Martian companions arrived. Charlene’s level of hysteria rose to such a state that she was unintelligible and incoherent. Nothing soothed her, nothing they said helped, until finally Carbine made them leave.
The three Martian males left reluctantly, but once they were gone Carbine was able to convince Charlene to leave with her. During the whole trip Charlene just kept repeating how sorry she was. She kept begging for Carbine’s forgiveness. She made the female general promise to never let her hurt anyone again. She made Carbine promise that she would kill Charlene before she harmed anyone again. After she had wrung the promise from Carbine, Charlene fell into a heavy, nightmare filled sleep.
For three weeks Charlene had been in therapy. In the beginning she fell into her old role of Charlene. She mocked and jeered at the doctor’s attempt to help her. She completely refused to talk to anyone in a civilized manner. Kaals was used to this and was the logical choose to be with Charlene while the doctors tried to help her. After a few days, Charlene allowed Kaals to link with her computer mind directly, and the Tulsan was able to track Charlene’s thought process.
Charlene seemed to be shifting from using her organic brain and her computer processor, although a large portion of her mind seemed to be doormat. With Kaals’ help the doctors were able to determine that the human had a very unique form of MPD, multiple personality disorder. While using one mind or the other, Charlene’s personality would shift. Neither mind had full access to memories of the other, but they were aware of each other. Neither mind seemed to have access to the doormat part that had remained completely silent. They didn’t separate from each other completely, but there seemed to be something stopping the two personalities from becoming one mind.
The doctors had been working these three weeks trying to get Charlene to integrate her mind, but she resisted such efforts, the Charlene personality more so than the Charley. The only time the two would function at the same time was when Chance came to visit. It was at Carbine’s insistence that the boy meet with his mother. Charley had confided in the Martian female that she wished desperately to see her son, but was frightened that she might harm him.
Under Carbine’s watchful eye Chance would visit and the meetings seemed to be more productive then hours of therapy. Charlene was much more relaxed and Charley would talk freely about amusing antidotes of her past with his Biker Mice uncles on Earth. Chance’s visits were a daily thing. Right after school he would come to visit for an hour or two and mother and son would talk about all manners of things. The only time Charlene would become uncomfortable would be when Chance would ask if she would come home with him.
Charley would skillfully avoid the issue saying that the doctors thought it was too soon for her to leave and Chance would accept that, but each time he asked he became more insistent. Once he had asked if his mother didn’t like his uncles any more. Charley hadn’t answered the boy and Chance seemed to understand and didn’t ask again.
Kaals approached Charlene’s door and sighed. She knew Charlene wasn’t ready to leave the safe walls of the hospital yet, but it couldn’t be helped. She hoped that giving Charlene 24 hours noticed had helped the human prepare for the trip. Kaals opened the door and made herself appear as calm as possible, that always seemed to put Charlene at ease. But the preparation was unnecessary for Charlene Davidson was not inside.
"What the…" Kaals almost cursed. She looked around the room. All of Charlene’s things, which weren’t much, were packed and waiting on the bed along with a note, written in Charlene’s precise handwriting in the formal language of Tulsan.
Kaals,
I have gone to finish one last thing before we leave. I will be on the ship before it docks off. If you would be so kind as to have my things taken to our cabin I would be most appreciative.
Charley
The last was written in English of course. There was no way to write ‘Charley’ in Tulsan. Kaals folded the note neatly and tucked it away in her robe. She said a silent prayer that her friend knew what she was doing. With a start, Kaals realized, that in a strange and unexplainable way, she thought of Charlene as her friend. A friendship born of necessity and duty, but a friendship all the same.
Kaals went to the bed and grabbed Charlene’s bag and hauled it off, and was immediately pulled to the ground. What on Mars did she have in that thing? Kaals started to drag the bag behind her and mumbled about the things she did for friendship.
--
"Oh no you don’t!" Vinnie exclaimed when one of his rootbeers tried to roll off of its precarious position on the back of his bike.
Vinnie’s hands were already full with a box of other game watching supplies; hot dogs, chips, ketchup, mustard, onions, relish, but it was a simple matter for him to whip his tail around and snatch the bottle before it hit the ground. Vinnie smiled triumphantly as he placed the box he was carrying on the seat of his bike so that he could place the rootbeer inside. For some reason, Vinnie let go of one side of the box to take the rootbeer in hand. Why he didn’t just place the bottle in the box with his tail is a mystery only the gods could fathom. The result was one saved rootbeer and a pile of garbage as the box toppled over.
"Ah, man."
Vinnie cursed his luck and bent behind his bike to start cleaning up the mess he had made. His bike beeped and flashed the time on its display. Vinnie groaned and realized that he wouldn’t have time to go back and get more stuff for the game, which meant that he was buying… again. While he was trying to retrieve a dog that had rolled under the tire of his bike a familiar low roaring engine turned the corner. Vinnie looked up over the seat of his bike to see Charley ride by on Lucifer.
"What the…?"
Vinnie knew that Charley was suppose to be in the hospital getting treatment and resting, so what was she doing out here? Not being able to resist finding out, Vinnie found a nearby rubbish can, got rid of his mess, and followed. He kept a safe distance, making sure that she wouldn’t see him. He was quite surprised when Charley came to a halt a block away from Ivory and Chance’s house. Vinnie watched Charley watch his bros as they helped Chance with his equipment and helmet. Today was the first season game of Junior Sackball. Chance was the lead blocker, chosen for his size and strength. Throttle and Modo had volunteered to take him to his first game, Vinnie had been stuck with getting the refreshments. Chance was very excited about this first game. It was all he talked about.
When Throttle finished strapping all of Chance’s safety equipment on the back of his bike he lifted the boy onto the back of Modo’s bike. Throttle tugged on the boy’s ear, to which Chance swatted his hand away. Modo laughed and made the young mouse put on his helmet. After all three were settled, they waved their good-byes to Ivory and rode off. Once they were out of sight, Charley started Lucifer back up and headed towards the house. Ivory was about to go back in when the sound of an approaching bike made her turn around.
Vinnie inched his way up, making sure that he was still too far away to be noticed. Charley pulled off her helmet and Ivory gasped in surprise when she realized who was in front of her. He got as close as he dared and then activated his bike’s spying microphone. He directed it at the two females and listened.
"Hello, Ivory. You’re looking well," Charley commented to the startled mouse.
"Angel?"
Charley grinned at the bewildered question, "Yeah, it’s me… mostly."
"What are you doing here? I thought that you were still in the hospital. The doctors said that you were…" Suddenly Ivory stopped and blushed at what she was about to say.
"…too unstable to be in polite company?" Charley finished for her.
Ivory nodded and looked to the ground shamed.
"It’s ok. They’re right you know. I shouldn’t be out roaming the streets, but there was a few things I needed to take care of before I left."
Charley reached into her leather jacket and produced a think fold of paper. She handed it to Ivory.
"What’s this?" the pale mouse asked as she scanned the paperwork.
"It’s a Martian legal document that signs over all custody of Chance to you, Throttle, Modo and Vinnie. I am withdrawing all legal right to Chance."
Vinnie listened stunned. Why would she do such a thing? Chance was the most important thing in her life, why would she give him up? Ivory looked equally floored. The female mouse flipped through the paperwork and the look on her face told Vinnie that what Charley had just said was true.
"But, why?" Ivory asked Vinnie’s unspoken question.
"Ivory… I don’t know what’s going to happen at my trial, and I need to make sure that Chance is taken care of, legally."
"But, you don’t need to sign away all legal right to do that," Ivory said, searching Charley’s sunglass covered eyes for answers.
Charley sighed and removed her glasses and fixed the female mouse with her silver eyes. "I don’t truly know who or what I am anymore. Quite frankly I am still a danger to myself and those around me. I want to make sure that you and the guys have to power to…" Charley looked away. "…to take Chance away from me if I become dangerous again."
Ivory looked stricken and appalled at the idea. "Charley you would never hurt Chance. What happened before wasn’t your fault."
Charley gave a crooked smile. "Everyone keeps telling me that, but the fact remains that I killed three people that were closest to me. I can’t risk that again."
"Charley, you killed three XenoX in the defense of the Tulsans they were slaughtering, not the guys."
"The bodies I killed were XenoX, but to me… in my heart… they were Throttle, Vinnie and Modo. No matter what anyone says I killed them." Charley jammed her glasses back on. "Look… I didn’t come to upset you, or argue the past. I just needed to give you the papers and ask directions to the field where Chance is playing today. I want to see this Sackball he keeps talking about, and I want to say goodbye."
"Why don’t I take you. Just give me a moment to get my helmet."
Charley gave a curt nod and Ivory raced into the house. Vinnie watched Charley go back to her bike and pulled a small silver case from the saddlebag. She pulled a Tag and a match from inside and put the case back. After lighting the stick she blew out the match with a puff of greenish gray smoke and put the burned out match in her jacket pocket. Vinnie carefully backed his bike up and walked it far enough away so that Charley wouldn’t hear it start up. Once satisfied that he was far enough, he rode out towards the field.
Vinnie, quite honestly, didn’t know what to think of what Charley had said. Would he have killed his bros to save the Tulsans? He thought back to when Stoker had been under Plutarkian control. Would he have been able to kill his mentor to save his own people? He knew the answer was no. He wouldn’t have had the strength, and to think that Charley had been forced to make such a decision, turned his stomach.
Vinnie turned into the parking lot for the Sackball field and left his bike next to his bros. He walked to the stands and searched for his friends. They weren’t hard to find. There was only one set of stands, unlike most Earth games that had a ‘There’ side and an ‘Us’ side. There were about forty Martians there. Mostly families coming to see they’re little ones play. In the center of the stands were his bros, Stoker and Carbine. He was rather surprised to see Throttle’s ex there, but didn’t think much of it. Carbine had become rather close to Charley and Chance over the last few weeks.
Modo saw him approach. He stood up and waved him over, in case Vinnie couldn’t see his bulk in the middle of all those mothers and children. Vinnie made his way over, giving half-heard apologies when he had to walk between the spectators to get to his destination. Modo gave him a friendly shove into his seat and smiled down at him from his great height.
"You forget the grub again, Vin?" Modo asked teasingly.
"Yeah, here," Vinnie said as he tossed his wallet over.
Modo gave him a puzzled look. Modo always knew when something wasn’t quite right with one of his bros, and he was giving Vinnie one of his ‘you can talk to me’ looks. Vinnie just waved the gray mouse off, not really sure if he wanted to talk right now. Modo excepted the non-answer, but gave back the good old ‘we’ll talk later’ look. Throttle, Stoker and Carbine kept talking, oblivious to the exchange between himself and Modo. This suited Vinnie just fine. He needed a moment to collect his thoughts, but as soon as Throttle turned to look at him Vinnie blurted out what was utmost on his mind.
"Do you blame Charley for… what happened?" he said the last in a whisper.
The smile that had been on Throttle’s face slowly drained away to a slight frown. "What do ya mean Vinnie?"
Vinnie got nervous and wished he hadn’t asked the question., but now that it was said he couldn’t pretend that he hadn’t asked. "Do you blame Charley for what happened on Sellous Prime?"
Throttle gave a big sigh and looked down at his hands that were steepled in his lap. "Vinnie, we all do things during war that we wouldn’t have done otherwise. Charley thought that she was fighting the Plutarkians, she didn’t know that they were really Tulsans until the end."
"That’s not what I meant…" Vinnie looked away, across the field where the kids were warming up for the game. "Do you blame Charley for what she did… what she thought she did to us?"
Throttle seemed unwilling to answer the question. From the corner of his eye, Vinnie could see Throttle rub his muzzle with his gloved hand. A motion his friend often did when he was trying to put his thoughts into words.
"Vinnie, I don’t know how to answer that. Charley did what she did to save a lot of lives. I would like to think that she wouldn’t believe that we would ever do something like that. I would have hoped that she would have been able to see past what her eyes were telling her and see the lie for what it was. How can I blame her for something she thought she did, but didn’t really happen? She really thought with all her heart and mind that she killed us…"
"And it destroyed her." Carbine bit angrily back. She must have heard they’re conversation despite they’re hushed voices. Vinnie had rarely seen Carbine this upset. "Charlene came back from something that none of us could have possibly imagined. Her mind was ripped from her and stuffed back in like dirty laundry, and when she came back to her senses she was made to do things that her damaged mind couldn’t handle so she made it into something it wasn’t. She put the three of you into her fantasy life because she trusted you and loved you enough to believe that you wouldn’t do anything that would hurt anyone without a reason. Then, when she finally began to heal and realize that the world around her wasn’t what she thought it was, she thought that the people she trusted most in universe were…"
Carbine looked away, angry tears falling from her face. "If you’re going to blame Charlene for what happened then you might as well condemn me as well."
"What are you talking about Carbine?" Stoker asked, not being able to stay out of the conversation any longer.
"If you’ll remember the Plutarkians had me believing that the three of you sold Mars out with a video tape. I have known you guys for years. We grew up together. I should have known better, but I still let them trick me into believing that you sold us out. At least Charlene had an excuse. She was under incredible stress, but I just believed what those slime balls told me without question."
"Carbine…" Throttle said in sympathy, but Carbine wasn’t willing to be soothed.
"Don’t Throttle. Just don’t. It’s something that I’ve had to live with and I’ll have to live with it for the rest of my life."
"Did something happen while I was gone?" Modo asked from behind the pile of hot dogs and drinks that he was carrying.
"Just pouring salt into old wounds, Modo." Carbine said as she stood up. "I’ve got to go. The air around here has turned foul."
The four Martian males watched her go. The mood had turned foul and poor Modo didn’t even know why. The remaining mice tried to recover what was left of the afternoon, but it was going to be hard with the cloud that was hanging over them.
==
Charley parked Lucifer at the farthest end of the parking lot, away from all the other vehicles and let Ivory dismount before taking off her helmet. The light cream colored mouse put her helmet on one of Lucifer’s handlebars and the bike seemed to take offense, but with a sharp kick from it’s master it quieted down. Charley balanced her own helmet on the other handgrip and followed Ivory towards the field. The human followed blindly until they were about to round the field towards the stands. Charley froze.
"Do you mind if I sit over there?" Charley asked pointing to the opposite side of the field.
Ivory looked over at the stands and the four Martian males that dominated the center of the seats. She looked back at Charley sympathetically. A part of Charley was irritated that the mouse felt pity for her, but Charley was in control so she kept her mouth shut.
"I don’t mind. Do you want me to sit with you?"
‘I don’t need to be babysat,’ an angry part of Charley wanted to scream.
"No that’s all right. I kind of want to be alone."
Ivory smiled in understanding. What did she know about what I’ve gone through? Charley bit her tongue to keep the words from spilling out and smiled back. The smile fled as soon as Ivory turned her back. Charlene started to walk around to the other side of the field, reaching into her inside jacket pocket as she went. She gave an angry curse when she couldn’t find her Tags there. I don’t think they allow smoking on the grounds. Charlene just snarled at the thought and continued walking, trying to remember where she had put them. In the saddlebags, the answer came back.
It was damn annoying to Charlene to not be ‘awake’ all the time. She didn’t like waking to find herself in a place she didn’t remember coming to. It was dangerous not having your bearings all the time. She didn’t much like this softer, weaker side of herself that said ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ all the time, either. She didn’t like the days she’d find tears on her face, and sorrow filling her heart for mice she didn’t even know. But, I know them.
Charlene shook the thought away and kept walking, not really remembering where she was supposed to go. That was remedied when a sharp cry caught her attention.
"Momma!"
Charlene turned to find a bundle of energy barreling down on her from the direction of the field. Chance was all decked out in some kind of sports equipment with a big Martian number eleven on the jersey. Chance threw off his helmet and opened his arms wide as he ran towards her.
"He’s not going to stop," Charlene whispered out loud and a smiling voice whispered back, I know.
Charley opened her own arms and Charlene let the boy topple them over onto the ground. Charlene laid on her back and looked up at the young Martian hybrid that was sitting on her stomach. Pure childish pleasure lit the boy’s face and she couldn’t help but smile back. Emotions started to bubble up inside her and Charlene didn’t even attempt to stop them. This was OK, this was right somehow, and it was the singular thing that she had in common with her weaker side.
"Are you suppose to be tackling the spectators in this sport? If I’d have known I would have brought my helmet."
"Momma," Chance said with a faint blush in his ears.
Charlene rolled over and got Chance under her. It was hard, but she found a place that his sports armor wasn’t covering and began to tickle the child mercilessly. Tears rolled out of Chance’s tightly closed eyes as his mother’s quick fingers found all of his ticklish spots. He tried to defend himself but it was no use. Charley had some mercy for her son and let him up.
"Are you going to watch the game?" Chance asked excitedly.
"Well, you kept going on and on and on about how fun this game was, so I decided to check it out. Remind me again how you play."
Chance proceeded to instruct his mother on the finer points of Sackball strategy. Charlene had already read the book, ‘How to Play Sackball’, back in the hospital. She could recite the rules, in order, by memory. She could even tell you the pages each rule was on, but the book had held none of Chance’s enthusiasm. The young player talked as fast as his tongue could wag, and if Charlene hadn’t had all ready known the rules she wouldn’t have been able to follow her son’s twisting logic.
"Now do you understand?" Chance asked when he came up for air.
Charley smiled at her son and pulled on his ears, "I think I’ll understand better once I see the game." Charley helped Chance to his feet and pushed him towards his waiting teammates.
Chance ran back to the field, only stopping briefly to pick up his helmet and give a wave to his mother. Charley waved back and Charlene gave a smirk. He’s going to wipe the floor with them. Charley blushed at the un-sportsman like thought. She watched as the two teams emerged from the joined dugout and take the field. It was instantly obvious that Chance was the tallest kid out there. It gave Charlene a strange twinge of pride. They’ll think twice before messing with my boy.
"Would you just stop it," Charley whispered to herself. "It’s just a friendly game."
Charley and Charlene rarely directly talked to each other. In fact it was becoming harder and harder to tell when one stopped and the other began. Her doctors would be thrilled that she was starting to integrate, but it give Charley a since of unease. She never use to have thoughts that were viscous and just plain… selfish.
Oh, come off it Charley, Charlene sneered. You did, you just never acknowledged it.
Charley hated that she had to admit that Charlene was right. After all, didn’t she save the prisoner population of Torren so that she could escape?
"No, I did it for Chance," Charley tried to amend.
Bullshit! You started plans before Chance was ever conceived.
Charley started to feel shamed, but her tempered flared. "I was trying to get us ALL out of there!"
But you were ready to give up. You were ready to just let the Plutarkians have what they wanted.
"I was just so tired. I couldn’t fight anymore."
Charley could remember how alone she had felt, how dead. She couldn’t move, couldn’t see, hear taste or feel anything. Her whole world had been reduced to numbers and computer systems. She knew everything, but could do nothing. She had started to let her consciousness slip when something happened. Chance happened.
For the first time in months Charley had felt something. It had been like a tiny butterfly that kept fluttering against her waning consciousness. It had been very much like how she felt when Throttle was around. Charley knew that her friend never knew how his unique debriefing on the day they first met had affected her, and she never told him. Anytime Throttle was around she could feel him. Kind of like you could feel someone watching you. It hadn’t been unpleasant and sometimes it had been very comforting knowing where he was all the time. Sometimes, if she had tried really hard, and if Throttle had been thinking about her, she could almost sense his feelings.
At first Charley had thought that they had finally come. That the guys had finally come to rescue her from this awful place that was draining her away, but as she fought for her consciousness back she realized that it hadn’t been true. They hadn’t come. At first she had felt more alone than before. She was going to die in this place and no one would even know, but then she felt it. Life. It had been inside her. Growing, living, fighting to be known. Once Charley had reestablished all her connections to the Plutarkian computer system she found out what they had done. She had been pregnant. She was going to be a mother. She was going to have a child. A boy. That’s when she began to fight, to really fight.
Everything she did she did for Chance and no one else. When Charley had found out how the Martians had praised her and memorialized her as some kind of Guardian Angel she had felt sick. She hadn’t given the other prisoners another thought once she had started making plans to get Chance out of Torren. And, God help her, she had been happy that Ivory’s newborn son had died. It had given her a way to get Chance out of the research lab. She had forced her body to give birth that day so that she could exchange Chance with the unnamed infant.
So you finally admit it, Angel. Charlene laughed. You finally admit that you were only thinking of yourself when Ivory’s baby died. You didn’t even spare her a thought at her loss. All you saw was your opportunity.
"Yes, damn it," Charley hissed back. Tears were falling from her eyes and Charlene angrily wiped them away. "And I will never stop feeling guilty about it either. So stop trying to justify it or push it away."
Why should I care? Charlene bristled.
"You care, you selfish little bitch," Charley smiled. "Or you wouldn’t feel uncomfortable when you’re around her."
For the first time, Charlene had nothing to say. Charley heard the crowd cheer and she forced her attention from the internal to the external. She took off her jacket laid it on the grass next to her. The opposing team had just scored a point. Charley looked towards the stands and found them easily. Ivory seemed rather distressed that Chance’s team was now behind. Like any good mother would, Charlene said, throwing the barb to get back at Charley. Charley had to agree. Ivory was a good mother. A better mother than she would have been, and maybe that was her penitence for not feeling sorrow at Ivory’s loss. Modo reached out and patted Ivory’s hand reassuringly. Throttle, Vinnie and Stoker were shouting encouragement at the top of their lungs, and were easily heard over the rest of the crowd.
"It’s hard watching them. Not really being apart of them, but unable to take that last, long step to be with them."
Charley was surprised at Carbine’s voice behind her, and Charlene smiled. Damn, she’s good. She said with admiration. Charley watched the gray female mouse with jet black hair sit beside her and look towards the stands with the same longing she was sure was on her own face. Who would have thought that Charley would find the perfect friend in Carbine? She only talked when she knew you needed to. She never pried. She never made her feel uncomfortable or unworthy. How had Throttle ever let her go? She knew the answer to that. Carbine had forced him to let go. Self imposed exile. Charley understood that too well. It was a subject that neither of them talked directly about, but was in every conversation they had.
"I’m leaving today."
"I know," Carbine said without looking at her. "Are you going to say goodbye to them?"
It wasn’t necessary to say who ‘them’ were. "I don’t know yet."
"I’ll be there if you need me."
"I know."
They sat quietly for a long while, each pretending that they were watching the game instead of the bleachers. Across the field, Charley saw Throttle stand up and politely make his way down the stands. Carbine sighed and turned her head to watch him walk to the refreshment booth, hiding the movement by resting her head upon her bent knees.
"He’s just a guy," Charlene said bitterly. She was becoming annoyed by the wistfulness in Carbine’s mannerisms.
"You wouldn’t say that if you had even been in love."
"Who needs it anyway?" Charlene asked, grabbing a fist full of red-brown grass and flinging it into the air.
"I do," Carbine and Charley said in unison.
"Pathetic," Charlene declared to both of them.
"It’s getting harder for you to keep Charley quiet," Carbine said with a grin as she turned towards her human friend.
"Do you know that I actually said sorry to this idiot that ran into me this morning in the hospital?! The jerk was practically running through the halls, plows into me and then she says, ‘I’m sorry’, like I was the one that hit him!"
Carbine hid her smile in her knees so that Charlene couldn’t see her amusement, but she wasn’t able to stop the laughter that erupted when Charley spoke.
"He was not running through the hall. He was turning the corner and I took it too sharply and we just ran into each other. Not everyone is out to get me, you know," Charley corrected herself and grinned at Carbine’s amusement.
"You wouldn’t say that if you were the one that was living everyday of your life knowing that someone has already picked a day for you to die," Charlene snapped back.
"But that’s the problem, isn’t it?" Carbine said as she turned towards Charley/Charlene. "Charlene will never have a childhood, a mother, a father, old friends, a past to learn from, and Charley will never have the self-confidence, the drive, the audacity, the certainty of death to be the cold, hard fighter. You two can see each other’s life but neither of you can experience each other’s life."
"Get to the point, General," Charlene bit out angrily between clenched teeth.
"My point is that the two of you need to stop acting like children, jealously guarding their favorite toy and share with each other. Find something between the hate and the fear, the guilt and the anger. Stop trying to act like the other one doesn’t exist. What are the two of you protecting?"
Charley/Charlene turned away and stared at the field. Neither wished to answer, because neither knew the answer. Charley/Charlene picked a point on the field, the white middle line, and concentrated on it, trying to focus and restrain the emotions Carbine had let loose. The harder it became the harder they tried to focus, until finally that white line began to grow and encompass them and they couldn’t see the field anymore, but a stark white room.
Both looked up and were surprised to see each other on either side of the windowless room. Charlene had her sunglasses firmly in place, her leather jacket was open to reveal a black tank-top tucked into black leather pants that ended with black hobnailed boots. She took a match and Tag from inside her jacket, stuck the match against the heel of her boot. She lit the Tag, the burning green tip brightened her all black attire with emerald highlights. Charlene extinguished the match with a sharp flick of her hand and threw the smoldering match at Charley’s feet.
Charley looked timidly over at the intimidating woman through the vale of her short bangs. She tried to hide her nervously shaking hands, but realized that her jeans had no pockets, in fact, her jeans had no seams, buttons or zipper. It was as if they were painted on, but they weren’t skintight. Charley looked at her shirt and found that it was the same as her pants, no buttons or seams, but it was being held closed somehow. Charley looked over at her companion with the question clearly on her face.
"Don’t ask me, sister. I didn’t do it," Charlene said pulling on her Tag.
"Don’t worry Charley. It always happens with the new ones."
Both woman turned to see a third, this one looking just as Charley, but with all her buttons in the right place and a toolbelt hung low on her hips. She smiled disarmingly, to which Charlene glared and Charley frowned.
"What do you mean? It happens to the new ones," Charley asked.
Her look-alike sighed and made a motion for them to follow her. "It will be easier to explain if you come with me."
Charlene and Charley looked at each other and then followed the other through a door they had neglected to notice earlier. They followed the other woman to a door and she pushed it open. Inside was another version of Charlene Davidson. She was in the middle of a room littered with bodies, Tulsan, Plutarkian and three Martians. She held the white furred Martian in her lap as she rocked and cried, completely unaware of anyone else.
"She came before you," the other Charley said. "She was made to deal with Sellous Prime."
Before Charley of Charlene could ask a question the other woman closed the door and opened another. Inside was a Charlene Davidson that had been on Torren. Her body was almost wasted away. Her head had been shaved and there were countless wires and tubes running from her body. On the wall was a video screen with her image there.
"How is my son?" she asked with an eerie metallic voice. "Is Chance all right?"
"She’s Chance’s mother. Don’t bother to answer. She can’t hear you. She stopped living when Torren blew up."
The Charley guide turned to leave this room for another when Charlene lost her patience.
"Wait just a damn minute!" Charlene shouted as she made a grab for their guide. Charlene looked momentarily uneased when her hand passed straight through.
"You’ll understand when you meet the First," their guide said as she led them past a door.
"What’s in there?" Charley asked out of curiosity.
"That’s my room," she said absently as she continued forward.
"Why don’t we take a look," Charlene said with malicious glee.
"No!" Charley guide yelled as Charlene threw open the door.
Two gloved hands came out of the room and grabbed their guide and yanked her in. Charley and Charlene looked at each other in startled surprise and both of them turned to gaze into the room. Inside they found an exact replica of The Last Chance Garage, complete with Martian mice.
"Charley-ma’am, where have you been! We’ve been lookin’ all over for you," Modo exclaimed excitedly.
"I was…," Charley-guide said hesitating as she turned to looked at her look-alikes behind her. "I was just taking care of business."
"Well, come on Charley-girl. We have to get goin’ before Vinnie gets back," Throttle said with a conspiring grin. "We need to get all this stuff ready or we’re goin’ to be the only ones surprised by Vinnie’s surprise birthday party."
Charlene and Charley looked about the room at all of the balloons and streamers. They were being completely ignored by the two male mice. Charlene just snorted at all of the brightly colored party favors, but Charley recognized this moment in time. It was Vinnie’s first birthday on Earth. He was the first of the guys to have a birthday while they were here and she had suggested a surprise party. Charley remembered working all morning while Vinnie was on patrol to get it ready.
"Guys," Charley-guide said. "I have to go get something. I promise I’ll be right back."
"You better hurry Charley-ma’am. We don’t have much time until Vinnie gets back," Modo reiterated as he tied off another balloon to stack with the others on the floor.
"Don’t worry guys. You won’t even know I was gone." With that their guide ushered them out of the room and closed the door. She sighed and leaned heavily on the door.
"I remember that," Charley said, pointing to the door. "We barely had the Garage ready before Vinnie got back." She smiled and crossed her arms over her stomach. "He was so happy."
"What is that place?" Charlene asked, pointing to the closed door.
"That is where all the moments of my life live," Charley-guide said.
"Then are you dead like the others?" Charley asked.
"I died the day I got captured by the Plutarkians," their guide sighed as she continued on down the long hallway.
They went down the corridor and past another open door. Inside was another, younger, Charlene Davidson. She sat alone on a racetrack beside the twisted remains of a red racing bike. She rocked back and forth crying saying over and over again that she should have made him listen, that she should have made him call off the race. Charley shivered, remembering that moment. She remembered how much she wished that she could just die and start over.
"Why are they all suffering like that? Why are you the only one that isn’t trapped in such a horrible moment?" Charley asked.
"I don’t regret my life. I’m the only one that believes that the bad days were worth the good days. I do have moments when all I can remember is the bad days, but they don’t last," Charley-guide said as they entered the last room in the hallway.
"I thought I was going to be the last. I was going to be the one that carried all the memories, good and bad, but She thought we needed another so Chance’s mother was born. When Torren blew up and the XenoX did what they did. She decided to make another to deal with Sellous Prime. After that you were born," Charley-guide said pointing to Charlene.
"Who is She you keep talking about?" Charlene demanded, clearly pissed that she was being referred to as Another.
Charley-guide didn’t answer, but pointed instead. In the corner of the room, huddled into a tiny ball was a little girl. She was in soot covered nightclothes and she was crying into her bent knees.
"She is the first," Charley-guide said simply. She bent before the girl and put a hand on her head. "Charley, they’re here. Are you going to talk to them?"
"No, no. I have to… I have to make another one. I can’t go to the Tulsan home world. I can’t face all those families. I have to make another to talk for us. I have to…"
"Stop it Charley!" Charley-guide said as she shook the little girl. "You have to stop it. You can’t keep making personalities to deal with the bad things that scare you."
"But I have to, don’t you see!" the child sobbed. "I can’t live with all pain. I can’t live with all hurt. I can’t live with what I did!"
Charley saw that their guide was fast losing her patients. Charley approached the girl and asked her double to leave her alone. She sat in front of the child and took her small hands in her own. One hand was slightly burned at the fingertips and in the other hand was a half empty book of matches.
"You made me. Didn’t you Charley?" she asked the little girl.
"Yes, but you’re not strong enough. You feel too much. You can’t make the pain go away."
"What about Charlene?" Charley asked about woman that was now staring a hole in her back. "She’s strong."
"Yes, but she hates everybody. I don’t want to hate everybody."
"Why isn’t she in a room like the others?"
"I can’t make her. She’s in the other place with all the metal and wires. I can’t make her stay there."
"Charley, are you scared?"
The girl nodded.
"Are you tired?"
"Yes."
"Are you hurt?"
"Yes."
"So am I."
The little girl looked up with a tear-streaked face. Charley reached out to the little girl and pulled the matches from her hand.
"Let me be the one that’s scared, tired and hurt. You don’t have to do that anymore."
"But I have to hurt. I’m the one that killed Daddy."
"Charley, you were a little girl. You didn’t know what you were doing."
"But you’re not strong enough. We’ve hurt so many people. We feel too much pain," the little girl whimpered.
"It’s all right Charley. With Charlene’s help I can handle it. Let me take all the memories, good and bad. Let me take the pain, because with it comes the joy. Let me take over and let yourself rest. Let all of them rest."
The little girl looked up at her latest creation. She had made this one with too soft a heart. She looked past her to the lady in leather. She had made Charlene too hard. The child rubbed at her tears with her soot-covered hand that would never come clean. She was sacred. Sacred of going on and giving in, but she didn’t want the pain anymore. She couldn’t live with the pain anymore. She kept making more and more walls in the form of other Charlene Davidsons to hide behind, but it never worked for every long. Somehow the pain always found it’s way in.
"The universe isn’t as bad as you think it is, Charley," the older woman whispered to the child.
"What’s so good about it?" the child asked, bitterly. "My Father is dead."
"But my son is alive," she countered.
"And so are my friends," Charley-guide spoke for the first time since she backed away.
"And so are you," Charlene answered angrily.
The three other females looked at her in surprise that she spoke and she didn’t stop there.
"If I understand this correctly I’m just a cut out paper doll you made because you couldn’t handle being hurt anymore, but you were trying to replace me with her because I hate too much. Well, let me tell you something sister… " Charlene snarled as she stalked across the room like a panther. "I do hate too much. I hate sleeping in a new bed every few month because I have no place to call my own. I hate waking up everyday knowing it’s getting me one day closer to a trial for a crime I don’t remember committing. I hate looking at Chance knowing I’m never going to see him grow up. I hate pushing people away because someday I won’t be there for them. I hate watching life knowing I won’t have it for very much longer. But mostly I hate you."
Charlene pointed at the child and for the first time in her short existence Charlene cried.
"I hate you for giving up, but expecting us to live on. I hate you for making me only to kill me when you thought I wasn’t needed. I hate you for throwing away what I’d kill to possess and I hate you for giving me the will to live. I don’t care what’s in my past or in my future, all I want is to live, but now your trying to take that from me too. Well, I won’t let you."
The room began to get darker as the wall turned from pristine white to coal black.
"What are you doing?" Charley-guide asked as the room began to shake.
"I’m fighting. I don’t care if you stay in your little room and play house with those Martian Mice," Charlene told the guide with the blunt end of her finger against the other’s chest. "I don’t care if the little brat stays in the corner for eternity and balls her eyes out. I don’t care if I never see any of you ever again, because I’m going to fight, with or without you."
"You won’t be seeing them again Charlene, just me."
Charley walked over to her double with the tool belt on and took both her hands in hers.
"Let go. The others already have, just let go," Charley pleaded.
"You won’t forget, will you?" she asked as she started to fade from sight.
"How could I ever forget?"
Charley turned to the little girl. "Let go," she said.
The child nodded and fell into a pile of ash. Charley turned to the only other occupant in the room.
"Don’t look at me sister. I ain’t going anywhere," Charlene said stubbornly as she crossed her arms over her chest.
"I wouldn’t want you to. You will let go when the time is right," Charley said softly folding her hands in front of herself.
"Why do I have to be the one to ‘let go’," Charlene snorted. "Why don’t you just ‘let go’ and let me handle it."
"Because you don’t remember. It may be that I will be the one to go, but not until you remember. I won’t give up until you remember."
"I guess we’re stuck with each other then," Charlene said, not sounding as upset as she could have been.
"I guess so," Charley answered, sounding quite pleased.
"The game is over."
"What?" Charlene asked, feeling dazed and disoriented as she looked around herself.
Carbine looked down at her from where she stood beside her human friend and pointed to the field. "The Sackball game, remember? It’s over."
Charlene looked across the field where mothers and fathers were congratulating their children as they came off the field. She glanced over at the scoreboard and realized that the game was tied, 11 all. Carbine tapped Charlene’s shoulder and offered her hand. The human took it and allowed her Martian friend to help her to her feet. As she was brushing grass and dirt from her pants, Charlene noticed that Chance was coming her way with uncles in tow.
Oh great, here they come. Calm down, stay focused, they’re your friends, remember? Charlene grinned crookedly. I remember. Chance dropped Modo’s hand and ran the rest of the way to his mother. Charlene knelt down and gave the boy a near bone-crunching hug. The boy’s uncles stood behind him along with Carbine and Ivory.
"Are you all right Ma’ma?" he asked into her neck.
Charlene pulled back and took her son’s head in her hands and looked deep into his eyes. On the surface she could see her own reflection, but under that she could see herself as she once was looking back at her. In that moment Charlene realized that Chance knew far more than he was letting on. Charlene took her son’s head and laid his forehead against her own. She leaned forward until his short, pink antennae touched her scalp.
Chance wasn’t a full-bloodied Martian so he couldn’t transfer thoughts at will, but his hybrid Martian/Human genes did allow him to read minds with contact, if the subject was willing. Charlene opened her mind to her son. She let him see everything that she was and everything she had been. She let him see the turmoil that her emotions were in and the delicate line she walked to keep her sanity. Maybe a seven-year-old shouldn’t know the things he now knew about his mother, but Charlene wasn’t going to miss this opportunity. She may never return from the Tulsan homeworld. She may never have another chance to share with her son how much she loved him in the way Martian mothers share with their children.
Charlene pulled away from her son and waited for him to either accept her or reject her. Her heart lurched when she saw the fear in Chance’s eyes. She felt the tears pricking needles in the back of her metallic eyes as she struggled not to cry. Charlene tried to withdraw from her son so that she would cause him no more discomfort. Now she was sure that she had done the right thing in giving custody of Chance away. Before she could stand Chance wrapped his arms around his mother’s neck and kissed her softly on the cheek.
"You will always be my mother," he whispered to her, and Charlene wasn’t entirely sure she had heard him with her ears.
The tears did start to flow then and Charlene wiped them away angrily. She didn’t want to show her weakness in front of the others, but as she stood she could see that they had already seen. Stop being so defensive. They’re friends, remember? Charlene let her jaw clench. Shut up. I know what I’m doing.
"I have to go now," Charlene said as she backed a step away from Chance.
Throttle took a step forward to place his hands on Chance’s shoulders. The young boy seemed to lean into his uncle for support and Throttle gave by tightening his hold on the child. Charlene turned to Carbine and held her arm out to her. The Martian General clasped Charlene’s forearm and the human did likewise.
"Keep the place together, and don’t take any shi…", Charlene looked down at Chance’s shocked face and amended her words. "bull from these guys." She then turned to Ivory and offered her arm in the same manner, which the cream colored mouse took without hesitation.
"Make sure Chance eats right, and I don’t mean hot dogs and rootbeer for every meal."
"Mooomm…," Chance complained, when his uncles and Ivory laughed.
Quickly, before she had a chance to reconsider, Charlene offered her arm to a stunned Throttle. He hesitated so long that Charlene was about to pull back when he grasped her forearm. She gripped his forearm tightly and the tingling sensation that was residual from their first meeting hummed. Her heart flipped-flopped in her tight chest. She hadn’t, until that moment, realized that she had missed it. Throttle must have felt something too.
"Charley-girl…?" he started to ask, but Charlene cut him off.
"You better take good care of my son, or…" Charlene tighten her grip until she saw Throttle wince slightly, "you’ll answer to me."
Throttle’s only response was to nod his head, but the look he gave her over the rim of his shades told her that he wasn’t going to let the last few minutes go unanswered. Charlene withdrew her arm from Throttle and willingly gave it to Modo. The tall gray mouse hesitated, looking first to his mechanical right arm then to her’s. Charlene angrily took Modo’s arm and yanked him towards herself. She leaned in and whispered bitterly to him under her breath.
"It’s been over ten years Modo. If you can’t learn to live with being different how will Chance ever be comfortable?" she asked him.
Charlene left Modo to ponder what she had said, feeling only the tinniest nudge of guilt for being so rough on him. Then she turned to Vinnie. Why was it so much harder to look at him? Might-have-beens and should-have-dones. That’s why it’s harder. Charlene tried to swallow, but her throat was constricted with emotions she couldn’t even count or name. She didn’t get a chance to offer her arm before Vinnie outstretched his. Outwardly she appeared calm, but inside her muscles tightened painfully in an effort to keep her from running. Charlene grasped Vinnie’s arm in a bruising grip in the attempt to intimidate him and to distance herself from him. Vinnie didn’t seem to notice.
"Try not to get yourself killed," she told him as she tried to pull her arm away, but Vinnie wouldn’t let go.
"Take care of yourself, Charlene. I…," he paused and looked down at their joined arms.
Very slowly he began to rub his thumb across the bare skin and glittering wires of Charlene’s arm. Charlene wished desperately that she had left her jacket on. Her sensor net was precisely cataloguing every whisper soft stroke of every follicle of fur. Burned and etched into her permanent memory was the exact amount of skin he was touching and with how much pressure. Forever would she remember with perfect clarity how fast his thumb was moving and in what direction. She tried to conjure up some anger at Vinnie’s actions, but was unable to even move. Anger she could control. Anger she could understand. But this was too much.
"We need you here, Charley. Please, come home," Vinnie continued.
All Charlene could do was nod. Vinnie held on for a few more seconds and then let her arm drop. Carbine tapped her shoulder and offered Charlene the jacket she had abandoned on the grass. Charlene took it, grateful to have something to do with her hands. Mechanically she put her jacket on and pulled her long braid from under the black leather. She reached into her pocket and looked for her fingerless gloves. Charlene took great care in putting on the well-worn leather riding gloves, giving herself enough time to collect herself.
"I have to go," she said simply as she zipped her jacket all the way to her throat. She reached down briefly to brush the sad, lonely tear from Chance’s cheek before turning away.
==
End of Things Change